Monday, June 18, 2007

The difference now

What a difference a single shift makes. Coming from my realization last Saturday, I decided to not run away from him, to not fight whatever I'm feeling, but to embrace it. All it really says about me is that I'm a person capable of unconditional love. And how can that be bad?

My LEAP declaration anyway is, "I'm a shining reflection of God's love."

That single shift in my own perspective has already started some changes. Yesterday, he surprised me by sending many texts, which has never happened in the five years I've known him, the cheapskate that he was. Before it would just be one text now, and another one weeks later.

This time, we were able to hold some sort of discussion, talking about things I'd wanted to ask him when I was trying to call him to slay the dragon that was keeping me from moving on. I got several answers.

He said he still loves me, would love me always, would never love another. But he wants me to move forward; he doesn't want me to get stuck because he loves me. And he's proud I still love him, even this way.

This is a good start. And I'm not even feeling the urge to go and have my head shaved bald!