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Showing posts from July, 2007

"Am I on the right path?"

How often have I been sidetracked--or completely sideswiped--by this question? I am, by nature, a worrier. Worse, a guilty worrier. I think it's my Catholic upbringing that brought in the guilt. But I don't worry about small things. I worry that I am not as good a person as I should be. I worry that I am not contributing real value into my life. I worry I cannot ever contribute enough in the world. You know, things like that. Usually, I base most of my life decisions on an imagined end--me on my deathbed, surrounded by people who love me and whom I love. Do they love me? Have I loved them enough? The ideal end is that we're all laughing--celebrating my life well-lived--and crying--mourning a light that will soon be gone. My question is: Is the path I am on leading me there? I read a nice post on Paulo Coelho's blog this week. And I quote: The warrior has already heard comments of the type: “How am I to know if this is the right path?” He has seen many people

In Italy we eat ...

Yesterday, an Italian student was telling me about donkey stew. He asked me if I'd eaten donkey meat before, and I said I hadn't, but that in the Philippines we eat goat meat, and I'd tried that once. He asked me what a goat was, and I said, "It's the animal that goes (and I make the goat sound)." He said, "Oh, I know!" And he started describing lamb. I had to correct him, and I explained that the goat has a little tail and short hair, is sometimes black or brown, and has a tiny horn. He finally got it. "We eat goat products," he said, "like cheese and milk, but in Italy, we prefer to eat shit." "You eat what?" I said. We're supposed to ask learners to repeat themselves in a more polite manner, but I just couldn't help myself. "Sheep, I mean." He said, a little frazzled. "Sheep!" I think we ended up laughing for five minutes. "I know Italians can be strange," he said afte

Disturbed

Something's up. Or, some issue or another is waking up inside me, and is demanding its due process of being settled. I'd been sick recently, first with colds and later, cough. And when I was finally better by Friday, I started getting these dreams about people from my past. The first two were about Juan. In both, we communicated and both dreams ended with conversations on already pointless things still unsettled. My third dream was about an older guy I used to like when I was 16. He's married now (saw him with his wife December last year). In that dream, we were talking and flirting in a playful manner. I was teasing him about his wife, and he was joking about it being a pity we hadn't ended up together. After all those dreams, I surprisingly woke up pained that the dreams had to end. For some reason, I actually spent the entire weekend on the-first-half-of -Sonnet-29 mode. Drama, drama. Now, I'm a little annoyed at myself for wasting so much time feeling for

I'm a bad journal-keeper

A couple of days ago, I took out the journal I bought as 2007 rolled in. It was dusty. The last gratitude journal entry there was written in April. So much for keeping tabs about things I am grateful for. :P Seriously speaking, though, I've been trying to live in the now. It's not always easy--but it has gotten easier ever since LEAP. And it's not like I've forgotten to be thankful for all the blessings that have been coming my way. As a matter of fact, I'm always in a space of gratitude. Hell, I skip home from work at 2 a.m., happy for another long, but wonderful day at work teaching English to ten or so Europeans! But living in the now has made the past a little bit, well, more past. As a result, my journal-keeping (and, to a great extent, blogging) has suffered. I often feel it's pointless to write in my offline journal about my life, when my life is no longer in the past, nor in the future. It shouldn't be the case with blogging, which I do because

Working girl

I have been working as an distance learning English trainer for over a month now. I must have had more than 150 classes already, most of them with French professionals. July and August are lean seasons (most of the learners, as we call the students, go on vacation during these months), but it can get quite hectic, especially if you're a little bit obsessive-compulsive, like I am. All in all, though, I'm loving my new job. It provides me with enough challenges to keep me interested and I'm learning new teaching skills. Plus, I also get to speak with interesting people from a different continent. I may be speaking to soon, but I think I've found the perfect job for me at the moment. It's structured enough for me to not lose my wits (I've realized that I'm not one for a free-wheeling work place, no matter how deliciously fun working for Google looks like), but it's never routine because anything can happen. I'm still having fun, and I guess it's b