Lucky day

I lost one of the screws of my reading glasses at the clinic where I had my CT scan today. Since I needed my glasses to function, I reattached the temple with a Band-Aid I had in my bag. 

When I got home a few hours later, my eyes were drawn to something metallic in a little pile of dust I had gathered beneath a broom. It was A SCREW! 

Not the one I lost today, but presumably one I lost some time ago. How long ago, I don't know; I've had so many cheap reading glasses and, interestingly, none of those had lost a screw. They had all met their demise by way of my glasses-chomping dog, Tala! 

The only pair of eyeglasses that had lost a screw is the same one that lost a screw today. And that happened last month while I was outside, too. I'm not sure where this particular screw came from. From the fae? From my imaginary crow friend? From God? But my glasses are fixed again! 

Thank you. More, please!

Also, this afternoon's InDrive fare was P143. As I finished fixing my glasses, grateful at the quick fix to this minor inconvenience, my eyes again landed on a tiny white paper heart on the floor. 

I'm claiming it's the universe sending me some love.

Long time

For some reason, I didn't want to write about the pandemic. Or how life spiraled downwards in the first three quarters of 2020: I ended a bad romance; left a toxic boss who was blind to her mistreatment of people; faced a pandemic, during which a family member had a major health incident; ended another bad romance. I lived through those things, but I didn't want to immortalize them in writing. I actually didn't want to think of them more than I had to. 

Looking back now, having afforded myself the distance that time brings, I'm realizing that my not writing about the bad events in my life and trying not to think of them more than I had to also meant failing to reflect on the grace that was with me every step of the way. 

Bad romances teach love and forgiveness, and an appreciation for life's brief but lasting encounters. I am grateful for these people; they made me feel good things that have outlasted the bad. 

That toxic boss--my first ever, so I navigated poorly--opened me up to the love and support of all my workmates, who not only validated my experience but also saw me through it with their presence. 

It helped that we all had a shared experience; at some point, I actually thought it was just me and I started questioning my perception of things. Leaving my last job, I'd never felt so hated by one person but also so loved by everyone else. But, happily, only that love has stayed.

When my mother had her transient ischemic attack, I was alone with her, but my sister and my younger brother left work and came rushing. It was the height of the pandemic and we couldn't find a hospital who would accept us because all of my mother's vitals were stable. Pandemic-era triage couldn't see her congestive heart failure when her blood pressure and oxygen saturation were normal.

I was afraid, doubly so because of COVID-19, but I kept getting this message each time I prayed: "Be still and know that I am God." My mother is better now, and our family stronger. 

Not writing about the pandemic also meant I didn't write anything about the best thing that happened in 2021: I got a puppy. 

So this is where it's at. Looking at the end of this year, the second of the pandemic, everything is uncertain, but I have the love of a dog. Be still, she teaches me, be playful and hyper and occasionally aggressive, but be still in the moment and appreciate it for what it is. 

Tala and me

Busy days, joyous days ahead

Last week, I accepted Marchie's invitation to watch The Legends and the Classics, a restaging of the concert that brought together Cecile Licad, Lisa Macuja, and Lea Salonga on one stage.

It was magical. I'd never been a fan of Cecile and Lisa (I liked their work; sadly, I didn't follow their careers as much as I did Lea's), but seeing the three of them performing together just woke up this longing in me to create something beautiful so someone sitting in the audience could feel the way I felt that late afternoon.

Before all the literary theory, the literary criticism, the workshops, the BA, the pursuit of an MFA, the occasional snarky encounter, the practicality of gainful employment, there was that: the desire to connect with one reader's heart simply because one author connected with mine.

At the end of the show, Lea talked about how the three of them shared one thing, which was that they've lived all their lives doing what they loved. I was reminded of that quote from Annie Dillard that was going around Facebook recently: "How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives."

I really, really don't want to be that person saying at the end of my life that I'd done everything wrong. Just making the easy choice to watch that concert was reminder enough of the many, many things I can do to just break out of this creative rut!

Excuse the drama. I'm in my last two weeks of being 35. Busy days, joyous days ahead!

One rainy night

Last night, as the cab neared the apartment, we could see water on the street glimmering ahead of us, waves lapping at the speed bump that marked my stop. The speed bump had acted as a barrier to the flood, and I could get off the cab and go to my room without wading in flood water. In front of the apartment, people -- two tenants and their friends -- were huddled, waiting, I assumed, for the water to recede or a safe way to leave. 

Three parties were blessed the moment I arrived: me, because I could go home without walking through water; my neighbors' guests, because a suddenly empty cab just happened to arrive in front of them; and the cab driver, who was visibly worried he'd have to drive through flood in unfamiliar streets to bring me to my destination. 

Good things come to those who see good

I am such a lucky, lucky girl. The past two weeks, I've been blessed to receive beautiful things:

• a free ticket to the sold out Rock of Ages
• an extra ticket to the sold out Rock of Ages so I got to bring a friend, who is a big Mig Ayesa fan
• a set of colored PaperMate pens
• a Swatch watch that I won in a raffle
• a pack of Vietnamese coffee
• a free ticket to God of Carnage
• another free ticket to God of Carnage so I got to bring a friend, who is a big Lea Salonga fan
• a tin of Lucban, Quezon broas

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Keep 'em coming, Universe, and I'll keep on giving back!

November rain

A rainy street at the Latin Quarter in Paris

I'm in my friend Jen's room, crashing until the repairs in Room F, my room, are done. This room is on the second floor, and the wireless broadband signal is so much better. Because I'm nearer to the roof, I can hear the rain.

I love the rain. I love how it drenches everything and cleanses the air. I love walking in the rain. I envy people who don't seem to be afraid of a little water, even when they're on their way to some place important.

When I walk without an umbrella, people worry about me. You'll get sick, they say. I often explain that it's not really the rain that makes one sick, it's the virus you catch, especially when you stay indoors with a lot of other people.

Some of the simplest unforgettable pleasures I've had is walking in the rain with a friend. I remember two moments from when I was in college, and one from when I was on a short work trip in Paris.

1. Walking with Mack one night in UP. First, we shared an umbrella. Then we ditched the umbrella and decided to enjoy getting drenched.

2. Walking along España with Jimple. The whole stretch from Welcome Rotonda to the University of Sto. Tomas was flooded, and I was afraid of whatever was hiding in the waters (garbage and excrement, open manholes, electrical wires, leptospirosis and the occasional snake), but all I really remember now is us holding hands and his poems in my bag.

3. Walking around Paris in the rain with my former student Dominique, his wife Olivia and their daughter Sara. I loved Paris in the rain.

Now, Jen and I are going out -- yes, in the rain -- to get some midnight nourishment.

Happiness.

I just know it's going to be amazing

Toca Rivera and Jason Mraz. Oct. 30, 2011 in Manila.

How can it not be, when the following exist in this world?

bubbles
rainbows
ladybugs
seeds
daisies
white sand
seashells
raindrops
meteor showers
dragonflies
seahorses
beach glass
sisters
soul friends
jason mraz

"How you do anything is how you do everything."
"All I want to do is love you."
"Real men don't buy girls."
"You are loved."

I am now 34

I love my life. I'm grateful for everything that has happened.

I'm looking forward to the beautiful things in store for me and my loved ones. No regrets; there's only love, hope and gratitude.

And this simmering sense of adventure.

Thank you, 2010, and welcome, 2011

Thank you for the following:

family I love and who love me • Keona • my few, but trusted friends • my dogs, especially Tutay who still sleeps on my bed • puppies • my home • my second home in Taguig • LEAP 45 and the whole coaching journey • new netbook • financial abundance • new books • good health • critical incidents • a job that pushes me to grow • beautiful, loving officemates • writing opportunities • many firsts: writing a song, chopping a lechon, getting a new hairstyle • travel: Zambales, Calaguas, Malaysia, Singapore, Corregidor, Tagaytay several times • new friends • credit cards • new camera • love • money to pay the bills • emotional healing • forgiveness • new cellphone • 10 fun dates • surfing • circus • challenging people who are now out of my life and doing well, I hope • family I love and who love me

It was a blessed, blessed year.

2011, let's rock.

Colors of the week

This week, in words and images.

I broke out in angry red rashes in the middle of the week. From stress, maybe, or from something in my cubicle. I swear, some days I feel like some little thing's biting me or crawling all over my skin. Sometimes, I'd like to know exactly what; sometimes, I'd like to just keep on wondering. (What if I've suddenly developed allergies to working? Such a delicious, disturbing thought!)

***

Patrick Swayze died this week. Dirty Dancing was big among my childhood friends, and it became big with me through osmosis. We tried to perform the (not so dirty, IMO) Dirty Dancing dance for one of the neighborhood Christmas parties, working overtime to get the climactic lift right.

It was at that time that I discovered, beyond reasonable doubt, that I was not really a dancer, no matter the number of programs I'd "volunteered" to join as a child. I'd danced Silent Night in a Hawaiian costume. I'd pranced around in a little red skirt and red-and-white striped socks, carrying a big polystyrene candy cane, dancing to Winter Wonderland. I'd dressed as an angel, throwing bougainvillea flowers in my path to the tune of another Christmas song. But it was Dirty Dancing that showed me all those had come to naught.

Still, I can probably sing the words to The Time of My Life. Off-key, of course. But that's another story.

***

Mary Travers died this week. I liked the music of Peter, Paul and Mary. It was by osmosis too, as when I was a child, my parents had a record player the size of a typical chest freezer, and one of their records was Puff the Magic Dragon. If I learned to love The Beatles later on, it was because I loved Peter, Paul and Mary first.

I watched the Puff the Magic Dragon movie some time after that. It's about Jackie, a boy paralyzed by fear.

I looked up some quotes from Puff:

Jackie, the first step in not being afraid is to see things as they really are.
Jackie, believe in yourself! Have the courage to try! That's the second step to not being afraid.
Like all small-spirited and stupid beings, they believe that they can deny beauty by hiding it.

I want a copy of this film! I think I need to see it again. :-)

***

Little surprises:

Today, I found a baby dragonfly in our tiny lobby. I plucked it from the paper it was clinging on to and gently carried it outside. It flew away. It was the first baby dragonfly I've ever seen in my entire life.

Tonight, I came home with five balloons in different colors.

You can't plan these things.

Happy pictures

I realized I haven't been posting pictures in this blog anymore. I was kind of spoiled by my Multiply, which, incidentally, I'm getting to know all over again because of its new version.

But here are some catch-up photos of the pictures of recent happy days.

Despedida for Allan Popa, last June 13. Not all the guysguys made it, but we had fun.

***

Here's today's win, from a French learner, who took a lovely picture of her book. We're reading it at the same time! I should take a picture of mine.

Dear Universe/God: #7

Okay, so I've been asking for some lovin' and, as always, you are quick to reply. I just have to learn that it's not always in the form I want it to come in.

But you know me, I'm a crazy, but recovering control freak.

Thank you for the following:

1. The singer Dulce's text message thanking me for my review of Hairspray last November. Not only did it send me into starstruck mode, it also pulled me back to that fateful November evening that left me scarred and affirmed that something beautiful can still grow from it. Time is all it takes.
2. Weng from Gospel Komiks asking me to write another comic strip and thanking me for sharing my gift. :-) I hope to do more of this sharing. As Jabez prays, keep enlarging my territory, pretty please.
3. Mamu's texts and phone calls.
4. Pizza and doggie ball from Ivan.
5. Last Thurday's Corn and cheese and tuna sandwiches (in whole wheat ciabatta) from my officemate Sheila.
6. And the orange from Donna!
7. The good (and not so expected, because I'm usually paranoid that way) performance appraisal. (As they say in American Idol, "I'm going to Hollywood!")
8. Keona's unexpected visit.
9. The beautiful read that is Eat, Pray, Love.
10. Pre-loved books from Yvette that I bought at the office garage sale.
11. Weekend at the Alabang Town Center with family, extended family, and friends. Mwah!

Well, hello, October!

So far this month, I've been:

1. A spa-goer. I made a last-minute decision to join officemates Donna and Marchie in the wee hours of Saturday to indulge in a two-hour massage and a buffet brunch at Wensha in the CCP area. I slept for like around five hours too.
2. A theater-goer again. Tanghalang Pilipino's Actor's Company in LAB was a blast. It was so worth the P100 I paid for it. I loved The Lover best, because of how it played with language.
3. An opera-goer. La boheme was a treat. It wasn't love at first sight, like with musicals, but a student told me to start with Verdi as Puccini is a bit difficult for the uninitiated. I don't know; I have a lot to learn. I'll find out, via YouTube. :P
4. A person who doesn't eat red meat. (21 days does a habit make!)
5. A person who doesn't eat fast food. (My October habit, which I will blog more about ASAP.)
6. A one-day pilgrim to the St. Therese Shrine.
7. And, perhaps, a baby gourmand. ;-)

That's just for the first week. Next Saturday, I get to watch West Side Story for free! :-)

Yes, I'm blessed.

This month, too, I am:

1. Very, very busy. I'm working two hours extra everyday for Christmas money.
2. Looking to buy a new cellphone.
3. Turning 31.

Fried chicken

The challenge in acquiring a new habit--or, more precisely, stripping away a bad one--is that sometimes making the necessary adjustments takes a lesser priority than making someone happy and comfortable. I spent the weekend with Keona, a.k.a. The Baby My Sister Had For Me.

On Saturday, we went to see C3PO and the Storm Troopers in Southmall (I was Auntie mode all the way). Before that, we had lunch with Tita Emily. Now, Southmall doesn't have a lot of kid-friendly restaurants (read: a restaurant a kid could roam around in that's not so traumatic for the Auntie), so we ended up in Shakey's, as usual.

And because we were in Shakey's, of course I ate fried chicken, thereby breaking my barely a week-old resolution. At least I didn't give in to the pepperoni pizza; I ordered my own Friday's Special.

The good news is that I had to run around Southmall, chasing after Keona, or carry her while shopping, so I had plenty of exercise.

The bad news is, for dinner, my sister asked for KFC takeout. She did lend me Keona and Nana Tin for the whole afternoon, so I gladly consented.

I did think of buying my own fish dinner, but I was too tired (read: lazy, too) to go to another restaurant, I just went ahead and bought a six-piece bucket of KFC.

The next day, my sister, her husband and my baby came over. There was nothing else to cook, except ready-to-cook spicy fried chicken. So guess what we had for dinner?

And because it was spicy fried chicken, it wasn't as popular in the household as regular fried chicken, so we had a couple of pieces left over. Which I ate the next day, of course.

So, this is exactly why I want to give up red meat and fried chicken. If not, I would be eating it everyday.

Dear Universe/God: #6

I'm blessed. Thank you for ...

1. the lovely, lovely vacation I had with family
2. letting me fall in love with snorkeling
3. protecting my vacation from negative news and unsettling affairs :)
4. the friends I can cry and share my journey with
5. the delicious CNT Cebu lechon, Carcar chicharon, and mango shakes
6. keeping me healthy
7. the ego boost, and yes, I won't bite, promise.

Dear Universe/God:

So many things to be thankful for!

Last week

1. The new sideline, which I think I'm going to really enjoy!

Last Saturday

2. The food trip around Pampanga, aka Viajeng Cucinang Matua. (I'll write a separate entry about this; pictures in my Multiply!)
3. Mang Jess' taking a different route and dropping me off at the entrance of my village
4. Garlic bread from my brother-in-law

Last Sunday

4. Sunday mass at OCCI, where I saw Fr. Blaise and my other LEAP teammates again.
5. Working lunch and free wifi at Podium with Candy and Jenny
6. Dinner and coffee with Jenny and Louie
7. The bag Jenny won and gave me!

This week

8. My officemates' pancit malabon and pichi-pichi (from Amber!) birthday treat

Life is great! So many blessings.

Dear Universe/God:

Thank you for the past few days' blessings:

1. The Attracting Wealth seminar last Saturday, which helped me deal with the negative thoughts I've been having, thanks to news media. (Thanks for the discount!)
2. Weekend with the family, which included a free Gary V. concert and a yummy, yummy meal at Kanin Club.

3. Mommy and Ivan being safe home.
4. The stuff Ivan and Auntie Tita bought for us in the US.

5. The Naked Bar by NanWell (naughty name, healthy stuffy) Donna gave me.

Dear Universe/God:

Thank for the lovely surprises of the past days.

1. Saturday's flowing open bar at Sophie's Garden with my colleagues, where I had my first taste of Tequila Rose.


Picture from Marchie's camera.

2. My initiation into SEx--Sinangag Express, that is.


Picture from Marchie's camera.

3. Sunday birthday snacks for Dr. Bau, with lots of sugar-free goodies. I have pictures... to follow!

4. Monday's relaxing sked.
5. A learner's funny Facebook message.
6. The baked tahong Marchie gave me today. I'd been craving for it for days!
7. The small piece of Romana peanut brittle I got from Joanna. I know it's mostly sugar and peanuts, but I only got I small piece. :)

I have a request. I'm craving for really good Cebu lechon again. Just a small bit, for what's left of my suka pinakurat. Please.

Dear Universe/God:

Thank you for today's lovely blessings.

1. The lunch of dried fish flakes and steamed rice. (Next time, I'll remember to add the diced tomatoes.)
2. The cup of mashed potato with corn that my officemate gave me.
3. The chocolate my best friend will remember to bring me tomorrow.

Friends, family, and Avenue Q

Can it get any better than this?

I had an amazing weekend, if I may say so myself. It felt like one of those MFA Saturdays all over again. I met up with Jenny, Louie, and Michelle to watch Avenue Q--and we bumbed into Razel in Starbucks at the third floor of RCBC Plaza, who'd watched the 2pm show. I have pictures (of us; sadly, no Avenue Q pictures), and I'll get around to posting them someday.

I also bumped into some people at RCBC. One of them, Patrick, was a freshman year classmate. I actually subscribe to his blog, and while we haven't really seen each other in years I felt like we'd been in touch, so I think I was a little bit too familiar. I think I blinked and said, "Oh my God, long hair ka na!" Hahaha.

Has that ever happened to you?

I also saw my LEAP 32 teammate Haids. And the guy my mom buys her discounted Atlantis tickets from (duh!).

Louie had to leave, so the two other girls and I had dinner together at Greenbelt. We had corned beef sinigang and crisy pata at Sentro. Heaven.

Sunday, I spent time with family. My mom, two brothers and I met up at Southmall, and somehow ended up having dinner at Alabang Town Center. We watched the last full show of The Happening.

The entire time, my mom kept saying, "This is like a Filipino film." And she doesn't watch Filipino films. Poor M. Night Shyamalan. The Sixth Sense was so good, it would be difficult to come up with another hit like that. I'll still give you a chance, baby.

We had a funny dinner, because the girl just Nena's Barbecue (I'm not sure if I got the name right), where we decided to eat, kept trying to sell us this Father's Day mug, telling us that if we bought a mais con yelo, which nobody in my family eats, we'd get the mug for free. My brother finally said, "Our dad's there already." and he sort of pointed to the St. Jerome and Sta. Susanna Parish Church, where my father's ashes are interred. :P

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!