Posts

Showing posts from October, 2009

32

If I could assign a song for yesterday's birthday, it would be, hands down, Jason Mraz's The Remedy. I know, I know, this blog is starting to look like one long love letter for J but can you blame me? ;-) There is simple wisdom in his lines and there's love in his words. I resonate with that, because that is what I aim for.

***

When I hit 30, life woke me up.

I became more aware of my weaknesses and my power. I faced the question, "What do you want?" and survived with an answer.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and found myself quivering in fear, went back, and stepped out again. I've been playing this game for some time now, but at least I'm stepping out! And the places I have been!

I opened my heart to strangers and realized there is no other reason to love but love itself. I closed my heart to people I thought I knew and understood that saying no to others is, indeed, saying yes to yourself.

When I hit 31, life shook me up.

I realized that even the most trusted people and situations can be risky. But that trust is not something you give to others; it is something you give to yourself so you can allow yourself to be others, no matter what that brings in your life, and still be whole.

I understood that people change, and that relationships are ever-shifting.

I put a face to attachment and I learned to say goodbye to things and people.

I learned that there is such a thing as too much when it comes to helping, but not when it comes to loving, and that the two are entirely different things.

I continued to learn to say no, but I also discovered there is always much hesitation in my yes.

Now, I am 32, and life is looking up.

I'm in a good space, with a blank page.

I'm up for new changes--a new job in the same company in a new place, which would mean new people and new experiences and, well, a new place of residence.

I wouldn't be me if I said some part of me isn't sad or scared. Those are my standard, predictable responses to change. And how do I deal with those feelings?

Which brings us back to J's The Remedy:

The remedy is the experience!

I trust.

Thought for the day

Has it been two years since LEAP 32? Our theme was "The Power of Now" and I still find myself having to pull myself back to the present from time to time. I always get clarity from thinking and rethinking the past, but the danger there is dwelling on it far too longer than necessary. As for the future, I've been battling so many fears for so long now, and that's a danger in itself. I have to remember that all I have and all I will always have is now.

"It is eternity now; I am in the midst of it. It is about me in the sunshine; I am in it, as the butterfly in the light-laden air. Nothing has to come; it is now. Now is eternity; now is immortal life." - Richard Jefferies

***

P.S.

Last night, I dreamt I was catching dragonflies in my bedroom and setting them free through the window. They didn't hesitate to fly away and I was grateful.