Disturbed

Something's up. Or, some issue or another is waking up inside me, and is demanding its due process of being settled. I'd been sick recently, first with colds and later, cough. And when I was finally better by Friday, I started getting these dreams about people from my past.

The first two were about Juan. In both, we communicated and both dreams ended with conversations on already pointless things still unsettled. My third dream was about an older guy I used to like when I was 16. He's married now (saw him with his wife December last year). In that dream, we were talking and flirting in a playful manner. I was teasing him about his wife, and he was joking about it being a pity we hadn't ended up together.

After all those dreams, I surprisingly woke up pained that the dreams had to end. For some reason, I actually spent the entire weekend on the-first-half-of-Sonnet-29 mode. Drama, drama.

Now, I'm a little annoyed at myself for wasting so much time feeling for a past I can't erase nor change--a past that, in fact, I am still grateful for. And I'm even more annoyed at myself because I already know how to handle this; I just let myself wallow.

And it didn't help that I caught Kailangan Kita on Cinema One last night. Just what I needed--a melodramatic Filipino film! With Dante Rivero on it! As a blind old man estranged from his son! Who is famous in their Bicol province for his laing! Which, he says, is only good because he thinks of how much he loves his estranged son when he squeezes out the coconut cream!

Okay, I'm laughing now. Off to work.

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