Monday, May 26, 2008

Unsettled, unsettling

At some points in my life, I question some of the roads I've taken, some of the decisions I made, and some of the people I've given time and attention to. When I was younger, I'd agonize over having done the "wrong" thing; now, I just forgive myself faster.

I understand more than ever that I can't be blamed for not being ready for a lot of things. Some things just can't be rushed. I'm happily learning, though. Underneath it all, I'm just really happy to learn, and I know that everything, everyone I cross paths with is there to teach me something.

I was reading Jim Paredes' latest post on the "mid-life crisis," and something he wrote struck me, even if I'm only halfway past 30:

When we let go of attitudes, beliefs and ways that don’t work, there appear newer ones that take their place. This will happen repeatedly until we find the right ones that apply to this new stage in our lives. We are like a house in renovation except that the dust has not settled and so we are not sure what we really look like inside. But be assured that there is a lot of activity happening there.

We can also compare ourselves to snakes in the sense that we must shed off old skin periodically to continue living in a supple, energetic new body.
It doesn't seem so clear to me now where I am at this point in my life, at least where my personal life is concerned. Some things that I thought I had already figured out, like love and friendship, have come undone again.

I welcome the unsettling, though. And I welcome the activity. I'm sure when the dust does settle, I'll see even more clearly. This, I'm old enough to know. ;)