32
If I could assign a song for yesterday's birthday, it would be, hands down, Jason Mraz's The Remedy. I know, I know, this blog is starting to look like one long love letter for Jason Mraz, but can you blame me?
There is simple wisdom in his lines and there's love in his words. I resonate with that, because that is what I aim for.
***
When I hit 30, life woke me up.
I became more aware of my weaknesses and my power. I faced the question, "What do you want?" and survived with an answer.
I stepped out of my comfort zone and found myself quivering in fear, went back, and stepped out again. I've been playing this game for some time now, but at least I'm stepping out! And the places I have been!
I opened my heart to strangers and realized there is no other reason to love but love itself. I closed my heart to people I thought I knew and understood that saying no to others is, indeed, saying yes to yourself.
When I hit 31, life shook me up.
I realized that even the most trusted people and situations can be risky. But that trust is not something you give to others; it is something you give to yourself so you can allow yourself to be others, no matter what that brings in your life, and still be whole.
I understood that people change, and that relationships are ever-shifting.
I put a face to attachment and I learned to say goodbye to things and people.
I learned that there is such a thing as too much when it comes to helping, but not when it comes to loving, and that the two are entirely different things.
I continued to learn to say no, but I also discovered there is always much hesitation in my yes.
Now, I am 32, and life is looking up.
I'm in a good space, with a blank page.
I'm up for new changes--a new job in the same company in a new place, which would mean new people and new experiences and, well, a new place of residence.
I wouldn't be me if I said some part of me isn't sad or scared. Those are my standard, predictable responses to change. And how do I deal with those feelings?
Which brings us back to Jason Mraz's The Remedy:
The remedy is the experience!
I trust.