Tuesday, November 9, 2010

One year today

It's my first anniversary in the Eastwood City office. What a year!

I still remember how much I hesitated to accept the transfer, and how the pay had initially become my designated excuse. And how, in a split second, I just leapt and said yes, never mind if I hadn't done the math, because I knew if gave it a second thought, I would let the opportunity to step out my door pass me by.

It was all about that, really. Stepping out my door.

***

I was half out of my mind with everything I had to do and the people I had to deal with, both outside and inside work, but I always reminded myself that resistance was futile, and that I just had to keep saying yes to life and life would take care of me.

Some moments, resistance got the best of me. But I had always been a fearful girl, always in the process of learning to be brave.

I'm still learning, but this time, it's no longer just in theory. I keep telling myself to learn in practice.

***

One of the most valuable lessons I learned at 32, I learned from a woman who gave a talk on relationships with the self, with others.

One of the participants said, "I thought I knew myself, because I would always reflect on my actions. I knew why I did things. I understood my motivations. But now, I'm realizing I know myself in the mind, but not in the heart."

The woman replied, "All the reasons to your whys are mental. But the real answers are experiential. You want to know yourself more? Relate."

***

Relating--the most difficult and easiest thing for me to do, in real life. It's a constant, but now conscious stretch.

The rewards have been frightening and lovely.

***

So this is why people step outside their doors.