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Waiting on love

Sometimes I think: What if I had found love, and I had foolishly missed it?

What if it was that older boy from the neighborhood who I played volleyball with when I was 11 and too young to know about love? What if it was that guy who waited me for me outside the door after final exam in Spanish class, the guy I ran away from? What if it was that photographer who sat beside me, beer bottle in hand, happy to see me again? What if it was a best friend I once had, who never made it to where I am?

Then I would snap out of it: If they were love, they would be here. Wild horses wouldn't have kept them away.

Love crosses the room for you.

***

Still, it's easy to wonder. Every single person I had fallen in love with has found their significant other. And me? I'm still alone.

It's not really bad. As a learner said, "Better to be happy alone than sadly accompanied."

I'm happily living my life. I've been cleaning up past mistakes, smoothening the ridges. I'm developing patience, courage, more love for self. Confidence. Trust. Forgiveness.

I'm learning to love.

***

I look at some couples who are happy and sometimes, still, I can't see myself in that sort of picture. Maybe that's why I'm still single.

I look at some couples who are unhappy, feel for their heartbreak, and say to myself I don't want any of that ever again. Maybe that's why I'm still single.

Maybe it's about time I stop looking at others and just start looking at myself?

***

Whatever--I once said a prayer and I was promised a kick-ass love story. It's being written, and I can wait.

Love crosses the room for you. Love waits on the other side.

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