"If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts." Psalms 95:8

This verse appeared in today's readings, and how appropriate because it's the psalm that I would say has always haunted me ever since I became a lukewarm Catholic. 

The few times I'd hear mass over the years, I'd either hear this verse or see it written somewhere in the church. Is this a sign, I would always wonder. 

I don't know if I have hardened my heart against my Catholic faith; I feel that even when I wasn't practicing as much, I've always been praying and cultivating a relationship with God. 

Or maybe that's just what I think. And maybe this is why I am where I am now, almost inexplicably drawn to celebrate Lent in a way that is in keeping with Catholic tradition, hopeful to gain something at the end of 40 days. 

To be honest, my heart isn't entirely in it, but I feel like I just have to show up. What else could I lose?