Love nowadays

In my age now, I think I hold on to love not because of the person but because I still can't accept that people just aren't as important as they would have been had I Ioved them in my teens or 20s.

These days, love comes and goes, not leaving an indelible mark, except maybe a guilty sin or two that I no longer take as seriously either, so I scramble to save some significance because of how I loved when I was younger.

That is probably what I cry about: that I refuse to let me and you be easily forgettable; I want to be even a little scarred.

But in my age now I have also forgotten how heartbreak was back then, how I had no sight of the healing that would come, and how, even when I was feeling like I was dying, I wanted to be able to give a mature kind of love that could let go when the time came to do so.

So it is me, not any of the people I loved recently. I still want to love the way I did when I didn't know better, but I can't because I already do.