English Trainer Chronicles: Garlic

I know the French word for garlic: ail. I have Italian students too, but it never occurred to me to look it up. Now I know:

aglio aglio aglio

My learner wanted to know what "garlic" was, and I wanted her to come up with the meaning on her own. But it was a slow day--for me.

Me: (Thinks of how I cook spaghetti.) Do you know "onion"?
Learner: Yes, I know onion.
Me: Well... it's not an onion.
Learner: Okay, so it's not an onion. (Laughs out loud.)
Me: (Thinking, "What have I done!") So, garlic is not an onion ... It's white and you have to peel off many layers of skin. And it comes in a bulb, so you have to take it apart, because you only use some of the parts. Then, sometimes, to use it in a dish, you have to crush it.
Learner: Crush?
Me: You know, you use a fork to make it, er, flat?
Learner: Oh, I know! Vampires ate garlic!
Me: No... vampires don't like it!
Learner: Yes, vampires ate garlic!
Me: No, they don't like garlic!

Then I realized we were pretty much saying the same thing. She just wasn't, like many of my learners, pronouncing the letter h.

P.S.

Proof I was a vampire--specifically, a Toreador--from Lorie's collection of college photos:

English Trainer Chronicles: Happy April Fool's Day!

I learned, from factmonster.com, that April Fool's day is April Fish Day in France. A learner told me that children put pictures of fish on the backs of people as a prank, so I spent all day telling my French learners to watch out for fish! :-)

One of my learners told me of her own experience as a child.

Learner: "When I was a young girl, my friend put a fish in my butt."
Me: ...
Learner: "Oh no, no! My back, not my butt!"

When she walked away to print our lesson for the day, I could still hear her laughing.

English Trainer Chronicles: A triple treat

Three stories, to make up for my lack of blogging.

Tomatoes

The "Monday question," as most of my learners have observed, is "What did you do last weekend?" So...

Me: What did you do last weekend?
Learner: I prepared the soil in the garden for the tomatoes I will plant.
Me: You plant tomatoes? That's great! What kind of tomatoes do you plant?
Learner: I plant two kinds, grape tomatoes and the tomato we call Roma.
Me: What is the Roma tomato like?
Learner: It is coming from Italy...
Me: Wait... let's fix this sentence. When you say "It is coming from Italy," it means it is on its way right now.
Learner: Why, yes, Althea, it's coming on the train to jump in my garden. Don't you have tomatoes like that in your country?

Running on water

Same learner got me too!

We were talking about dolphins in the Philippines. I was telling him about how, when I was in Bohol, we followed dolphins around on a boat. I think I got a little overexcited, as usual.

Learner: Do you have dolphins in your country?
Me: Oh we do! They're really wonderful! Last summer, we went dolphin-watching near one of the islands here, and we had a boat and we ran after them--
Learner: You run on the water? Mamma mia! You're like Jesus!

Vineyard

His English was great. He was really serious. Like military serious. And I didn't know how to break the ice.

Me: So, maybe we can talk about your goals. What is your dream job?
Him: My dream job is to be... what do you call that place where you plant grapes for wine?
Me: Oh, a vineyard.
Him: My dream job is to be a vineyard.
Me: Um, that's not right.
Him: Yes, it is. My dream job is to be a vineyard.
Me: Um, that means grapes will be planted on you.
Him: Why, yes.
Me: Do you want grapes to be planted on you?
Him: Oh, NO! I don't want to BE a vineyard! I want to HAVE a vineyard. I don't want grapes to be planted on me! (Guffaws)

Love life

I was surfing the net about one of my dream gadgets, the Kindle, and I found this webcomic: xkcd.com. I found funny comics that pretty much sums up my love life in the last 30 years.

1. Pre-teen era.
2. Teenage years.
3. Part of my twenties.
4. The other part of my twenties, I think, and a good part of my early 30s, but in a slightly different way.
5. My pet neurosis.
6. And, voila! My soul mate.

A poem for a horoscope

Love, love, love!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21), for the week of February 11: In creating this oracle, I've borrowed words from the artist and poet Wolff Bowden. Please steal them from me and use them in cryptic, affectionate communiqués that will deepen your connection with someone who makes your heart sing. Here's the first batch: "You belong to love as wheels belong to roads, as grapes belong to the blossoming of taste, as corn belongs to crows, as shadows belong to the ache of heat, as happiness belongs to the capricious pangs of the soul." Here's the second: "May the color blue behold your body while sun washes your shoulders near the window. May your lips refuse the kiss unless your heart is home. May euphoria find you in the place where you are lonely. May you light a billion candles with your mind."