Things I remember from when I was sleeping

It's true, I suppose, that the sense of hearing is the last to go. But I also heard and felt things that my brain translated... differently.

1. People telling me to fight ("Laban, Dat!")

It was different people, with varying inflections. I remember Sherwil the most, and I find it funny now that I also felt her stress. I'm not sure she actually said this (she definitely told me to fight hard: "Galingan mo lumaban!"). But I also heard in her voice a tearful, "Dami ko na iniisip, dumagdag pa ito." 

My nieces Keona and Kiara telling me to wake up because we had to go back to Crosta Pizzeria and I had promised we would explore Cubao. 

My sister Kai telling me she needed my help to fix her CV so I needed to wake up.

2. Nurses checking on me and giving me sponge baths

They often checked my temperature using an ear thermometer, usually twisting it several times to get it in the right position. I wondered why they were sticking their long tongues in my ear.  

I heard voices whispering, with urgency, "Sa pwet! Sa pwet!" I mentally replied, "What happened to my pwet?" This was followed by the feeling of a finger unceremoniously stabbing at my butt area. "It has come to this," I thought, "whatever this is." 

I texted Sherwil--in my mind, of course--just to tell her how invasive being hospitalized was. I wasn't complaining; it was all bewilderment. 

3. Being given the Sacrament of The Anointing of the Sick

I heard the priest's voice, and I thought, "Is this the Last Rites?" Then I thought, "Oh, okay," and leaned into it. It was actually comforting. It filled me with a sense of peace.

(Five stars; I would recommend. Better if you get all three sacraments in one go: Anointing of the Sick, Confession, and Holy Communion. I didn't. The other two were to follow, when I woke up.)

But I also imagined the priest showing me a huge amethyst geode and my thinking, "That's my mother's birthstone." 

4. The visitation of Butch Pang, now a pastor

Right after the Anointing of the Sick, Butch arrived, welcomed by my mother. She didn't know him, but she knows about UP Quill, and he introduced himself as an orgmate.

I remember him saying, "What happened, princess? What happened?" Then he kissed me on the forehead and prayed for me. 

It filled me with so much love that I felt like I was being lifted up by clouds, smiling in gratitude for my small life. Soon, I felt a good, self-compassionate regret washing over me. 

It was like I was looking down at my life. I thought, "Sayang, I should've just enjoyed life and everything it threw my way. I should've been more open, less shy, unworried, more brave." 

5. People telling me they loved me and that other people loved me

I know.

Well, now I know. 

Thank you, and I love you too. ♥️