Dream: Problem-solving

I just remembered that last night I dreamed that I was taking an algebra class and there was a test and my score was -129. I saw on my test paper that my teacher had written: "Good grief! This is not the way to solve this problem."

Dream: Koi suicide

I remembered last night's dream! I dreamed that I was with my best friend Sherwil at a village club that had a pond and a pool. In one corner of the pond area, there were buckets filled with koi.

One particular fish jumped out of the bucket. Sherwil picked it up and showed it to me as it lay still, breathing, in her hand. "Look," she said, "I have had to learn how to do this." I shuddered, imagining shiny scaly slippery flesh squirming in my hand.

Sherwil threw the koi back into the bucket -- and it leapt out again, landing with a thump. They kept at it several times, then Sherwil left.

The rest of the fish started jumping out of the buckets. There was a puddle nearby, so most of them landed in splashes of muddy water. I ran around the buckets, forcing myself to pick up fish and put them back in the buckets -- only to find them jumping out again.

They were calm about it too, as if they had decided to end their lives. They didn't thrash about on semi-dry land; they just lay there, gills drawing air, waiting to dry out.

I thought that maybe they hated living in the buckets, so I decided to transfer them to the pond. One by one, I threw them in the pond and watched them swim away.

But then the pond fish started leaping out of the water and staying on the rocks. I saw koi and shubunkin and even one tilapia. I ran around the pond, tossing them back in. I saw a silvery, long fish that had already dried up, but I still splashed it with water in a feeble attempt at reviving it. Its carcass stared back at me with one eye completely white.

When I was done with the pond fish, I saw the glints of golden orange around the swimming pool: baby koi, no bigger than my finger, leaping out of the water, beaching themselves, calmly waiting to dry.

Trying to be vegetarian this October

Looking at my blog archives, I see a long history of trying to eat healthy. Some years ago, close to ten, I tried a 30-day juice fast. Then I intermittently stayed away from refined carbs and sugar. More recently, but also too long ago, I also tried eating raw for 30 days. I believe I also avoided red meat for close to a year. I also tried intermittent fasting (14:10) for a couple of months.

Both 30-day experiments were more for cleansing than weight loss, but I did lose a couple of pounds along the way. Still, considering my overall health now, everything that I did hasn't led to any long-lasting success. Eating healthy has, and always will be, difficult for me. I should consider myself always in recovery.

While I have managed to stay away from a lot of bad sugar and junk food since I arrived from the US (that was early in July), I still ate a lot of bad food (bacon, my forever Waterloo).

Then there's the matter of exercise. I've tried going to the gym, boxing, and walking. I also recently bought a refurbished folding bike (I've been using it, though I haven't gone very far). Exercise worked for me, but I also didn't last long with it.

Recently, I've been feeling my age. I'll be 38 in a few weeks and I have to admit I am in my worst shape ever. I want to put a change to that.

Also, I've been considering veganism after meeting up with my old college friend, Jimple, in Albay last April. He's now a vegan, and I marveled at his compassion and discipline when we ate out several times. Another old friend, Joel, whom I've known almost as long as Jimple, is also vegan.

Then more recently, I got to talk to two vegans at a trade fair in Festival Mall in Alabang. They were giving out samples of "Seacharon," seaweed chicharon, and I had a quick chat with them about their lifestyle. One of them invited me to the Manila Vegans Facebook page, and I've been a member since.

I've asked a couple of questions on that page, and I've also been reading up on other vegan's posts. I agree that eating should be cruelty-free and that animals are sentient beings, like humans. My heart breaks at the discovery of the extremely cruel conditions of the animal food industry. But I do not know yet if I can be vegan.

First, I use a lot of leather. I like leather. Second, I do not know if I can let go of eggs and dairy. Most important of all, I am still not convinced that it is unnatural for humans to eat meat. Cruel, yes, but unnatural? I can't wrap my head around it yet.

So, in attempt to improve my health and check if I can live happily as a vegan (as I also try read more literature on it and talk to more vegans about their experience), I am committing to 30 days as a vegetarian (with some room for dairy, eggs and some seafood--if it's part of a spring roll that's largely plant-based).

I'm on Day 4 today, and I've learned that I should definitely learn how to prepare more vegetarian dishes. If my taste buds are happy, I can definitely go veg.

Dream: Interspecies, cougar thing

I dreamed that I was being pursued by two male human-looking creatures with charcoal angel wings. They were younger than me, maybe in their mid-twenties. They couldn't enter the two-story house I was living in without an invitation, and I'd see their faces peering into windows or their arms reaching through cracks in whatever room I was in. Sometimes, I'd see only their shadows.

They freaked everyone out, but for me they weren't as frightening as they were bothersome, especially when I needed privacy. I couldn't sleep when I could see a face watching me from my window, even in the dark.

One day, fed up, I ignored the warnings of people and stepped out to try to talk to one of them. I wasn't all that brave, so I stood in the doorway, leaving the door half open. "What do you want?" I called out to the dark-haired one. He was older than the other one and had a face I'd never seen before.

He descended, and as he did his wings disappeared and he formed legs. "I just want to get to know you better," he said.

"So what do you want from me?"

"Let's hang out."

"Okay."

The other creature approached us, his wings disappearing and legs appearing as well. He had a familiar, friendlier face. "I want to hang out, too," he said. "But not with him around!" He pointed at the other creature, who replied with a scowl.

"Hey, don't fight," I said (and my dreaming self giggled).

So I hung out with them both, liking the dark-haired one for his brooding personality and liking the friendly one more for his humor and candor. I still didn't let them in the house, but I talked them out of looking into windows and taught them to just wait for me outside.

One day, I was talking to the friendly one. I found myself leaning against him, laughing over a joke he'd said. I stood up to walk to my house.
He stayed seated, smiling.

"Did you want to come inside?" I asked, fully aware of all the risks.

He was still seated as I walked away, the invitation still open. As I woke up, I was thinking, "Can I really do this interspecies cougar thing?"

Dream: The one with Rachel and Robin

I dreamt a new Friends/HIMYM episode. Rachel had a new boyfriend, a guy she didn't like at first and eventually fell for. It was cute how she told him "I love you" first, after he had resigned himself to being just a friend.

They were bantering, and then in the middle of laughing over a joke, the guy said, "Don't get mad, but I'm going to kiss you." She froze. He leaned over. Then he planted a kiss on her cheek. She melted, saying "Awww." The guy pulled back and started telling another joke. Rachel blurted out, "I love you."

Unfortunately, this episode was before she got back with Ross, so my dream self worried about how Rachel and this new guy would break up since we all knew she would end up with Ross.

The next scene featured Robin. It was still the same episode, but she was on a spaceship hurtling through space. The mood was different, so was the humor. But even on the spaceship, Robin had guy problems.

My last dream thought was, "This episode is bad."